My Goodbye to 2012

Good Bye 2012 you've been a marvelous year,
a year of indelible memories which I'll cherish and revere.

You've given me pain, you've given me disappointments,
but also happiness, celebrations, peace and contentment.

You've given me an opportunity to travel and visit new countries,
chance upon new talents and explore new possibilities.

You made me shift to a beautiful house which I call home,
blessed me with enough to do, so I'd never feel ennui or alone.

You've given me new friends but never ever made me forget the value of the old
gave me a chance to send my son to a lovely school and made him independent and bold.
A chance to be a part of the happiest day of a friend's life,
a chance to strive to be a better mother and a zealous, devoted wife.

You gave me the luxury to be with family thrice,
even though we are faraway separated by thousands of miles.

Thank You my friend and Adieu,
for the learnings, the experiences, the laughter, the tears,
I now Iook forward to 2013,
which will be another wonderful year with it's mysteries,
surprises and more of the unseen.

New Year Resolutions from A to Z for a Wife

It's the end of the year once again,
Coming up with New Year resolutions is indeed a pain.
So I've thought of some resolutions from A to Zee,
let's see if it'll help both husband and me.

A is for Appreciating the husband a little more- you're stuck with him for the rest of your life
B is for Beautifying yourself for your husband though the PM cramps cuts through your tummy like a sharpened knife

C is for being Calm and Cool when he doesn't help with the chores
D is for Diverting your mind when he disturbs you at night with his snores

E is for Enthusiasm you show when he buys you a gift you didn't want
F is for Feigning surprise when you knew the surprise all along

G is for Giving up the television to the husband for his sports
H is for Hanging up the phone after an hour quietly, when he tells you with a friend you over-spoke

I is for his Idiosyncrasies which you resolve to accept
J is for the Jokes he plays on you and you accept it positively in Jest

K is for the extra Kisses you shower on him everyday
L is for Loving him more and more in various, different ways

M is for the Money you promise not to overspend
N is for the incessant Nagging which needs to be lessened and drives him round the bend

O is for Organising his clothes more often and getting rid of the unnecessary crap in his cupboard
P is for Peacefully accepting defeat when you're wrong, when you know he has the last word

Q is for Quietening up whenever he blows his top
R is for Relaxing and resting more with him and to your housework putting a stop

S is for Surprising him more with healthy foods than feeding him unhealthy desserts
T is for Teaching him to put his shoes back in the rack and teaching him his wife's worth

U is for Unconditionally loving him even though he'll grow old, fat and bald
V is for Vamoosing when he gets the credit card bill for which some expenses were uncalled

W is for Warning sign you need to give him during that emotional ' period'
X is  unnecessary Xpectations of the husband, on which we wives need to put a lid

Y is for Yelling less when the husband is late and walks in meekly through the door
Z is for Zippy, Zany and Zesty we need to be if from the husband and marriage we want more,more and more!!

A poem of a Rape Victim

Why Oh why did you do this to me,
Why Oh why did you rape me so violently.
I was a virgin, a young, innocent girl,
but in a matter of minutes you changed my world.
I shouted "No" but you paid no heed,
and you coerced me and continued with your heinous deed.
You raped me time and time and again,
like a wild beast, leaving the remains for his friends.
You bow before Laxmi, Durga, Mary and Saraswati,
then why did you treat me so shoddily.
You stripped me, you beat me, you left me to die,
why did you do this to me.....
Why Oh Why!

What do I want my son to be.....

As I lay awake at night,
I couldn't take my eyes of this wonderful sight,
of my little boy with a smile on his face, asleep on his race car bed,
his Rusteeze pillow beneath his head.

And as I lay awake these thoughts came to me,
no astronaut, no scientist, no engineer, I'd want my son to be,
as long as being a good human being was his priority.
He may grow up to be dark, handsome and tall,
but he must be strong enough to pick himself up, after a fall.
He must be able to endure pain and alleviate his fears,
but at the same time be magnanimous
and compassionate towards another's tears.

He may become famous or a leader one day,
but must remember that fame and fortune are temporary
and may suddenly dissipate and pass away.
And no matter what he aspires to be or eventually becomes,
I hope that he turns out to be a man of character,
and we parents can hold our head up high
and proudly say " Oh, yes that's Mikhail...our beloved son!"

Being Thankful..

Sometimes we feel we are less fortunate than our friends, family or peers,
but along with the countless blessings, God showered on us a barrel filled with tears.
Each one of us has our own can of worms, our own cross to carry.
it depends on how we look at our cup of life, half full or half empty.

Instead, we can be thankful for the haves rather than gripe on the have nots,
be grateful for our family, friends and loved ones and the good health we've got.
If you concentrate on what you don't have, you'll never have enough,
and as you walk down life's trodden path, you'll find the going gets tough.

You don't need to be thankful or celebrate thanksgiving only on one special day,
you can be grateful for the gift of life, love and laughter,
which you experience 365/366 days a year....
surprisingly, in the most idiosyncratic ways.

Two years since Grandma's gone

Two years have passed and I often wonder why,
why did you suddenly leave us without saying good bye.
But no Nana, I'm not hear to mourn or feel doleful and sad
cause' memories of you fill my heart with happiness and make me feel glad.
You lived a wonderful life to it's fullest capacity,
we were indeed blessed to have you and you....us, 
as part of family.

Nana, you were truly an epitome of style and grace.
Memories of you always put a smile on my face.
I remember you wanting to get your nails and eyebrows done,
even at eighty,you were always impeccably dressed, 
not a hair out of place,always tied in a bun.
Your heartiness, your infectious laughter and the songs you sang to us brings back fond memories,
and also your culinary skills and concoctions of various delicacies.
I still smile to myself when I think of you chomping on farsans and Aliva biscuits,
perched on your favourite maroon chair in front of the kitchen cabinet.

Oh Nana, I miss you immensely and wished longer you had stayed,
but then no human can ever understand God's plans or ways.
So take care of us and shower on us your blessings and abundant love,
Till we finally meet one fine day in heaven up above.

Camera, Sound, Action in Peace Yashji...RIP

The Bollywood King of romance, yesterday breathed his last,
but he was the only legend who made film making, 
seem to be such an effortless task.
Yash Chopra in his " Waqt" made movies over five decades
broke societal  "Deewar" with some,
and left us with some memorable "Lamhe".
He wrote, directed and produced with great " Joshila",
hit after hit after hit ....from Aaina to Trishul,
from Kaala Pathar to the romantic Veer-Zaara.

"Dil toh Pagal hai" was indeed his motto,
and so in his own signature styles of romance, music and European settings,
classic love stories, he narrated to us galore.
His "Daag" was spotless just like his effervescent  "Chandni"
and twisted and wittily romantic like the vivacious "Bunty and Babli".
"Kabhi Kabhi " in Bollywood, "Rab ne bana di Jodi",
a super combination of musical love stories, sceneries
and the ever youthful Yash Chopraji.
Because no one could and can make movies with such great élan,
and he did as he believed he would do so..
"Jab tak hain Jaan", "Jab tak hain Jaan", "Jab tak hain Jaan"!

So the Gods up in Heaven for this great man, please make lots of room,
Cause' it's your turn now to "Jhoom Barabar Jhoom"
and he's going to ensure you all do so with a great big "Dhoom"!

A Birthday Poem to My Mother-in-Law..

It's said if you unscramble MOTHER-IN-LAW, you get WOMAN HITLER,
but my mother-in-law is a far cry  from it,
so to the above saying, I do not adhere.
She cannot take the place of my mother,
but she's a mother to me in her own way,
She's after all the husband's mother.... what more can I say.

Cause' if my husband has turned out the way he has....
a truly wonderful  human being,
then full credit goes to his mum,
because she's the one who rocked his cradle, 
the one behind the scenes.
She selflessly cooks and works till she drops,
a typical mom, all loving, caring and kind.
She pampers us all from husband to grandson,
but never ever seems to mind.

She's no Niharika of Bade Ache Lagte Hain,
or a "Monster-in-Law", Jane Fonda
But a better Saasu Maa than that of  Mona Singh's,
of Kya hua Tera Vaada.

No, I've not written this blog to butter her up or add Amul Maska,
I just want to wish her only the best on her birthday
and tell her I'm proud to be the "Rangel Bahu"
of this wonderful lady..my " Saasu Maa"!

A Funny Birthday Poem for the husband

So my darling husband, today you turn Thirty One,
Having you on the other side of thirty seems a lot of fun,
for three long years, I traversed it alone,
but now as we walk hand in hand,
you can't poke fun at my age or my "wobbly, rickety bones"!
Six years ago, when we first met,
your pate was covered with hair, black as jet.
But you're hair has lessened and you've turned a wee bit grey,
What to do, my darling, this lucky charm, came your way!!;)

But don't worry, my love, it is said a bald pate is a sign of prosperity,
so cheer up, you've succeeded, 
you've got a son like Mikhail and a wife like me.
And we are going to ensure that we always keep you forever young,
an Usain Bolt, a Messi, a Schumacher all rolled into one.
But on a more serious note, 
loads and loads of love, laughter and happiness I send your way,
please come home early from work
you've to eat the spread I've cooked for you,
on your special day!!

ABCs of a Husband to a Wife...

A is for Appetite which is common in men,
they are voracious, edacious eaters,
so remember, when you're cooking for four,
ensure you've cooked for ten.

B is for Bed of which he occupies the most,
they'll spread their legs and stretch,
and if there's a kid in-between,
then bid farewell to getting even one-fourth.

C is for Cars which they are crazy about,
they won't ogle at a woman as much,
but at a Maserati or Ferrari 
they'll drool over no doubt.

D is for Driving which they feel they know best,
so even if he's lost his way and you intervene with your directions,
he'll act like he's right and put your patience to the test.

E is for Ego which in most men is a common trait,
comparisons made to other men or husbands,
is something husbands dislike and hate.

F is for Finances which is best if left to them to manage,
as long as our shopping sprees and needs are funded,
why bite off more than we can chew,
and cause unnecessary financial damage.

G is for Grocery shopping which they're not very good in,
they may buy 100 grams of beans instead of 500 grams,
which for a single person isn't sufficient.

H is for Housework which if the husband says he'll do,
don't expect him to start immediately,
but he'll do it at his own leisure and pace,
he may not start midday but before the day ends...hopefully.

I is for IPad which is the husband's favourite pastime in the loo,
earlier it was the newspaper,
But now that has been replaced by the IPad,
where he plays online football, tennis and sudoku.

J is for Jokey which they mostly are,
when it comes to joking about their wives,
Husbands take the cake so far.

K is for Kids, he may want none or one,
he may want to adopt a dog instead,
but let him know that better than ruining just a rug,
ruining your lives together with a kid is more fun.

L is for Laundry, a chore in which he feels he's an expert,
he may not do it at all,
but he'll instruct how to wash his pants, his socks,
and how to scrub the collar of his shirt.

M is for Movies which mostly are sci-fi, thrillers or action,
he may accompany you for romantic tear jerking movies,
but that's just for your happiness and satisfaction.

N is for Neckties which he always can't seem to find,
they may be staring right at him,
but he'll always call you to help,
hoping you won't mind.

O is for Orders which husbands are famous in giving,
they'll order what they want for lunch, dinner and dessert,
but if they love what you cook,
Forget mothers-in-law,
from your hands they'll forever be eating.

P is for Presents which he may not always surprise you and give,
but as long as he's present whenever you need him,
happy with him you'll always live.

Q is for Questions he may ask when he sees a big bill,
if you spend everything in his lifetime,
he'll have nothing to leave for you in his will.

R is for Reasoning in which they think they are masters,
they'll give you a hundred reasons as to why you made a mistake,
but if they want to do something,
no reasoning can change their minds made of hard, cold alabaster.

S is for Snores which will keep you awake late into the night,
you may try to sleep with the noise,
but one loud snore is sufficient,
to make you jump up in fright.

T is for Television to which they are glued,
if there's football or cricket on TV,
they won't be distracted or lose concentration,
if you shave your head bald or stand in the nude.

U is for Underwear which for the husband you may have to buy,
even though you feel awkward or embarrassed 
or blush pink shy.

V is for Vocal which most men are not,
he'll answer in yes, no and okay,
and mostly keep mum,
if he knows your birthday he forgot.

W is for Wallet which he'll use till it tears,
husbands feel it's lucky for them,
and unlimited currency notes it bears.

X is for Xerox copies of actors they like to ape,
be it the little beard of Aamir Khan,
or the Hair style of Salman Khan or Professor Snape.

Y is for Young which they always act the opposite of,
especially when it comes to housework,
or throwing garbage in the garbage Shute or garbage box.

Z is for Zanny, zippy, zealous, zesty, they are all made up of this combination,
if they didn't have these zees in them,
we wives wouldn't have for them,
such strong love and admiration.

"Chapati" Making and Geometry....what a similarity!!

Chapati making and Geometry are so similar you see,
both involve making shapes,
which is and has always been, a daunting task for me.
In geometry you have to draw circles based on radius,
 where diameter =2R and 2Pi R= Circumference,
but in the case of chapatis, 
you roll out dough based on your own approximate inference.

You make small balls to roll out into flat roundels or discs.
But sadly,  in this art of preparing chapatis,
 I haven't achieved "culinary bliss".
This flat unleavened bread has been made in various shapes and odd ways,
from countries to continents, to rectangles, to trapeziums,
and also hearts, which I've now reserved only for Valentine's day.
I know I was dreadful in geometry and till this day too
I remember not completing the SSC test paper,
Oh Geometry ...how I hated you!!

But whoever thought that geometry was ever needed in the kitchen,
if chapati is known as "unleavened" flat bread,
why leaven it or shape it when you can enjoy it best..... uneven!!

Sometimes.....Some people...

Sometimes..... some people walk into your lives and cast a magic spell,
you laugh with them, you cry with them and everything seems swell.
Then suddenly, these people just vanish from your life.
Their disappearing act, their nonchalant existence does hurt,
it cuts sharply like a knife.

Sometimes...... with  some people, we spend just a few minutes
but their memories remain in our hearts and minds for years,
that whenever we think of them,
we miss them and our eyes well up in tears.

Someday...... I hope I'd meet these people, 
even though I'll be all old, pale and senile,
I'd like to see and talk to them
and bid adieu with my crooked toothless smile.

A to Z of Marriage to a Husband....

A - is for Adore and Acceptance of your wife just the way she is,
If you don't, you'll be paying the other A for Alimony
and can bid farewell to marital bliss.

B - Be best friends with each other, a mate and lover,
But don't ogle at her best friends,
though they may look hotter than her.

C - C is for Compromise, something you'll have to do more often than not,
but please don't be caught in a compromising position,
you may scar her for life or give her a shock.

D - Discover new things together, new positions, new ways,
But remember she's moody at times too,
so be prepared for some " dry days"!

E - Encourage her in her every endeavor, even if she is dreadful at it,
because if you commit the fallacy of pointing it out,
She has memorized all your shortcomings, 
and may  have even made a list.

F - Forgive her if she overspends or exceeds the credit card limit,
because for every purchase made, even though frivolous, 
she'll ensure that she has an excuse which is very legitimate.

G - G is for Gifts which she loves to receive,
not only on special occasions or birthdays and anniversaries.
Gifts can be given throughout the year,
so don't forget to budget it, 
in your monthly expenditure.

H - H is for Humour, for her a very important quality indeed,
because with time,from a hunk you may turn into a bald toothless tub of lard,
but if you Humour her always,
she'll be by your side, even at the ripe old age of eighty.

I - I is for Inspiration, you must always be,
which will stimulate her both emotionally and mentally,
But do not be the I for Irritation, if she's burnt the chicken,
because then you would have stimulated her verbally.

J - J is for Joking with her and having fun,
but not joking about her always, in front of everyone,
Because if you do, you can say hello to the couch,
And thank God if she's not yet thrown you out of the house.   

K - K is for Kisses which are strictly meant for her,
in health and in sickness if she's down with high fever,
and also ensure to continue those kisses,
when she's not waxed or bleached and resembles a hairy beaver.

L - L is for Loving her with all your heart,
even with her burps, belches and noisy farts.
Loving her completely both body and soul,
though many a times, in your pocket,
she burns a big hole.

M - M is for Make up which you need to do first after a fight,
because if you want a happy marriage, 
don't forget, to acknowledge that the wife is always right.

N - N is for No a word which you must strike out from your vocabulary,
because after marriage, the wife loves to hear the word " yes" from her husband's mouth, positively and emphatically.

O - O is for Open minded, a mindset which after marriage you need to adopt,
don't fret if she's late from work or she's bought a dress with the plunging neckline,
she's wearing it so that for you, she'll always look " hot".

P - P is for "Putting things back in the correct place", a skill which you need to develop,
because men have this disgusting habit of using things,
and leaving them anywhere, for the poor wife to clean or pick up.

Q - Q is to be Quiet when she is angry and never whisper a word,
Because if you do so my friend
you'll be scolded at and abused in the most colourful language,
you've never ever heard.

R - R is to Remember important days and remember her clothes,
because men have memories like a sieve,
and can't remember what their wives wore yesterday,
or even that special day, when they proposed.

S -  is for Saying  'I love you' to your wife,
and meaning every word that you say,
you may take the ' I love you' for granted,
but your wife loves hearing those three little words,
each and every, single day.

T - T is for the Time taken to spend with your wife,
and spent only with her,
not time spent with the IPad or television,
or reading a book or the morning newspaper.

U - U is to be Understanding even when she's not,
especially during those painful few days every month,
causing mood swings and emotional upswings,
and causing her to cut like a knife and be blunt.

V - V is for Vague answers  which she does not like,
she doesn't like beating around the bush and prefers answers to the point.
So if she asks you "what you're thinking?",
and you vaguely say nothing, 
don't be surprised if you see your wife, in the kitchen grumpy and scowling.

W - W is for not Waking her up with your horrific loud snores,
you'll keep her up all night so please do something about it,
or else you'll have to make your bed on the cold hard floor.

X - X is for Xylol a colorless flammable volatile liquid which you must never be,
if she volatile and throwing bouts of insanity.
Because too much volatility will cause unnecessary disruptions,
which will eventually lead to a marriage dysfunction.

Y - Y is for Yawning which you must not when she talks and talks,
because if you do, she'll ensure to her conversation,
there'll never be a comma or a full and final stop.

Z - Z is for Zealous and dedication to  her you must always show,
because only with love, commitment, zeal and dedication,
will you and your wife in a  marriage, 
happily always grow.

What to gift the husband on his birthday?????

So the husband's birthday is nearly two weeks away,
I've not yet decided what to gift him on his big day.
He doesn't like wearing watches or any "shiny" bling,
Thankfully, without a grumble or whine, he wears the wedding ring.
I know I want to gift him something, but I'm not able to decide,
seriously, it's extremely difficult buying gifts for a guy.

Women are more " birthday friendly",
we know exactly what we want,
it's normally clothes, shoes,watches, jewelry,
a short holiday or maybe a meal at our favourite restaurant.

But when it comes to buying gifts for men,
it seems to be a daunting task,
because they have very expensive taste,
and sometimes wives cannot afford to buy the husbands,
the Omegas, the Porsche, the Nikons... they with subtlety ask.

So I've decided to start the no gifting rule this year,
he's got the best gift anyway.......the gift of a wonderful wife ;)
what is an ordinary gift compared to a human being,
who is his soulmate and the love of his life. :)

P.S. Nigel if you've read this blog, 
this " no gifting" doesn't apply to me,
I love presents on my birthday,
don't forget.....the sound system from
Harman Kardon or Jvc.

Life as compared to a train journey...

Our lives can be easily compared to train journeys,
because both life and a train journey have many similarities.

I boarded the 9.30 AM Bandra local on 15th February, 1979,
on a bright Thursday morn.
That's the day I started on this train of life,
my so called Sojourn.
At first I was accompanied only by my parents and grandparents
but as I passed from one station to another,
this train was boarded by more passengers seated in various compartments.

Some were acquaintances, some were relatives,
some strangers and some friends,
some continued on their journey with me,
and some had to alight at a particular station
as their journey had come to a definite end.

Some passengers made good travelling companions who I knew would accompany me till my final destination,
but some were the temporary ticketless travellers who decided to alight suddenly at the first few stations.
And then I had this one passenger who suddenly came along,
who promised me, to be part of my train ride,
now matter how far the destination
or the journey, be it....enjoyable, tiring or long.

On this train journey, I've faced sudden halts, jolts, blockages and derailments,
but till date this journey on the train of life has been "paisa vasool" entertainment, entertainment and entertainment... ( love that Vidya Balan line)
There have been some dark dreary tunnels which I've also passed along the way,
but there have been beautiful visions of mountainous sceneries, of bright blue skies, lush green hillsides
and sunflowers swaying to the song of the lilting breeze, on most days.

But for me the most important part of this journey on my life's train
is the entry and exit of my co-passengers,
those who've given me a memorable experience,
love, laughter, friendship, marriage,motherhood, joy,
even hurt, strife, sadness and pain.

My Good Ole' Scooter days.....

After ages I've seen a scooter in Dubai,
this brought back super nostalgia of my 'Kineee" days in Mumbai.
Remember being gifted one by the parents for scoring 84% in the tenth grade,
for me that was and is the best present till date.
It was jet black, my new Kinetic Honda, Zx with strips of red, grey and white,
MH-02 G - 4806, bought in the monsoon in 1994, July.

Ahhhhh.... those were the days when I would zip, zap, cut corners and zoom,
where I could feel the wind in my hair,
ride without a helmet, though later the mop on top, felt like a coir broom.
Enjoyed the rain drops on my weather beaten face and getting drenched to the skin in the pouring rain
but wearing those semi soft contacts lenses,
Oh God....for me, that was indeed the biggest pain!

Riding to college and Shah Classes was also memorable
I was referred to as " Kineticwalli"
as Mr. Shah found "Charmaine" extremely unpronounceable.
I remember taking college mates and school friends for joyrides on my scooter,
father, mother, brother, aunties, uncles and even going to the bazaar with my 79 year old neighbour.
but the fun part was giving a lift everyday to a classmate, an Aamir Khan look alike from NIIT to St. Andrew's
I resembled a giraffe sitting infront of this cute goatie bearded Tom Cruise.

Those were the days when I'd actually plough the bike to the gas station,
as I'd ride till I'd empty the tank without an iota of realisation.
And you'd think I'd learn from my silly mistake,
but I didn't, after all I was just 16 for God's sake.
Tyre punctures, empty tanks, I've been through it all,
and at times, I've skidded, bruised my knee and had many a fall.

Sadly those bike riding days came to an end,
because when you start working,
you can't look like a Golliwog and tell your employer,
your hairstyle is in fashion and you're starting a new trend.

If wishes were horses, I wish I could ride,
a scooter again where I presently reside,
but if I try to now, my "fair and lovely" skin would surely go,
and I won't look like a Mocktail Bawi like I did before.

FACEBOOKING, TWITTERING AND GOOGLING...THE NEW VERBS

With the invention of social networking and advancement in technology,
Oxford and Macmillan will have to soon update their dictionaries.
So I thought of some verbs which form part of the new terminology
but are used and in future will be used by us,
freely and literally.

Let's start with FACEBOOKING,
Now that's a new verb,
because instead of saying "I am on facebook",
just say " I am Facebooking" instead,
it doesn't sound all that weird.

FRIEND/ UNFRIEND
Remember those days when you fought with your friend and made up later,
you'd say with your index and middle finger "Batti"
or with your little finger, "khatti" if you were still angry with her.
How I miss those days of " Khattis or Battis"
but now if you don't want to be a friend with someone,
you have to go on Facebook and unfriend them virtually.

BLOCK
Earlier we could just slap some lasvicious guy or eve teaser if any of us, he/she stalked,
but now with technology, besides doing the above,
we've to ensure that on Facebook,
his/her access to our profile, we've blocked.

POST
Long gone are the days of posting postcards, greeting cards or handwritten letters ,
now with Facebook why waste time and money,
when you can post your message on their "Wall",
or even post a shorter one on Twitter.

SHARE
Alas...That's such a wonderful word,
sadly, now there is much more meaning to this verb,
because in the virtual world, to share means much much more,
not only quotes, notes but also inspirational and holy/ unholy photos galore.

LIKE/DISLIKE
In the non virtual world, if you liked something you'd smile
or if you didn't you'd cringe or frown,
but in the virtual world, if you like something on Facebook,
you click on a Thumbs Up
and if you don't, you click on Thumbs down.

TWEET
Tweet Tweet that usually is the sweet sound of a little sparrow, the homely bird,
but now Tweet means "to say or speak or state" which I find extremely absurd.
" Priyanka tweeted or Shahrukh tweeted and they all tweeted" that's all I read in newspapers,
looks like the whole of Bollywood, Hollywood, Mollywood and Tollywood, everyone's on Twitter.
But Twitter is also accessed by "aam junta" and all and sundry,
cause' everyone wants their voice to be heard and and be part of the so called "Twitteratti"!

GOOGLED
Earlier we would say, we searched for x or y on the world wide web,
but since Google is the main search engine,
why not say " Googled" instead.

So Friends, family and netizens, remember these new verbs and their meanings,
if we are on Twitter we have to say we are Tweeting,
if we are on Facebook, we're Facebooking,
and if we are doing a search on Google,
it has to be " Googling"
but seriously.....to me all this sounds extremely mind boggling!!!!

A Poem to My Best Friends Forever ( BFFs)

Into our lives, some people come, some walk away and some people leave never,
I know that there's the latter kind where we'll be Best Friends Forever (BFF)
We laugh with them, we fight with them
and with them do the silliest of things,
so when I rewind back my life,
happy memories of these BFFs, it does bring.

Never-ending talks, incessant chatter and brisk long walks in parks or on sloped roads,
ups and downs, hellos and goodbyes,
dialogues for our crushes which we rehearsed and " maraoed"
There are numerous funny incidents still fresh in my memory,
these bring back bouts of nostalgia, making me squeal out with glee.
Oh yes, there were days when these BFFs have fought with me, troubled me and driven me round the bend,
but such friendships are like "Gujarat Ambuja Cement"
where the foundation is so " majboot", they can never ever, ever end.

Such friends are one of a kind, marvelous and extremely rare,
I know that if I'm down and out, just a line and they'll be there.
I am not trying to butter them up, but I hope they know....
that they mean a lot to me,
And may God always shower on them, his choicest blessings,
Dear BFFs, "Besties" we will always be!

Do you have a Dark Side??

Dark side, a song by Kelly Clarkson has been playing in my head all week
She sings " everybody has a dark side" 
and I've realised that's the absolute truth you see!

We all are a mix of Dr. Jekyll and a bit of Mr. Hyde,
we all have a lot of good in us and there's also the little bad, 
which we supposedly call " The Dark Side"!

"Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.” 
quoted the famous  Mark Twain 
Cause even a spotless white shirt or a white washed wall 
many a times gets tainted with stains.

So what exactly is this dark side that I'm talking about,
is it anger, is it greed, is it gluttony, is it lust, wrath,suspicion or uncontrollable doubt.
Does the dark side only exist in me or just in you,
No.....everyone in this universe has one,
friends, family, spouses even priests and nuns too.
It's the wrong voices in our head telling us to to do wrong or be mean,
the voices which control our mind,
egging us on to gossip,gamble, smoke or get drunk on a bottle of Jim Beam.

So do you overcome your dark side or does it overpower you,
if it does my friend, then you have a lot of dismantling to do.
Because no can help you, except you....yourself,
no Superman, Spiderman, Hermione or Harry Potter spells.

We all have a Voldemort, a Green Goblin or a Grinch living inside of us,
it's sometimes wonderful living on the dark side,
So why the devil am I creating such a fuss!!
Because I know my dark side and I'm trying to fight it,
why not defeat your dark side,
so that we all together make the world,
a happier place to live in,
why don't you try it!!

Barfiii....Delicious Indeed!!!

If you've not tasted Anurag Basu's Barfii,
then, go taste it quickly,
Cause' it's one of a kind, made delectably.
It's made with ingredients, in proportionate measure,
Not too sugary sweet,but a small bite of Barfi will indeed give you immense pleasure.

So just like the mithai, the movie is palatable,
not too heart wrenching, but optimistically enjoyable.
Set against the beautiful misty Darjeeling with its lush greenery,
the charm of the old steam engines chugging noisily,
with the fairy tale love between Barfi and Shruti on a bicycle made for two,
followed by heart break, which doesn't make the effervescent deaf-mute Barfi,
cry uncontrallably in mute "boo hoo".

Because if you're not lucky in love the first time,
lady luck will surely shine on you again with her signature Colgate "Barfi"smile
And that's what is shown when Barfi and Jhilmil meet,
that love is unconditional and no autism or any disability,
such pure love can defeat.

The innocent love is portrayed beautifully by Ranbir and Priyanka,
especially the parts shot in the cramped up apartment overlooking the Hooghly in Kolkata.
Ranbir Kapoor with time, I've realised is one of India's most talented actor,
leaving us speechless literally with the most challenging role of his career.
His acting cannot be compared to Charlie Chaplin, who I always found slap stick
he is far superior in his new avatar, which personally I find stylishly slick.
For Priyanka Chopra, there's only one word for her performance and that's Bravo,
with her buck teeth, awkwardness, frocks, socks, buckled shoes, need I say more.
Ileana does justice to her role as the beautiful but sad Bong Bahu,
playing her role with conviction and making a commendable Bollywood debut.

For me Barfi is a simplistic, compassionate love story,
encompassed in 2 hours 40 minutes by Anurag Basu beautifully.
The cinematography, the music are both tres magnifique,
it is a movie which indeed captures your heart and creates a quirky sort of magic.

So go indulge in this Barfi, forget about your diet,
this movie will leave you with a taste of happiness,
enjoy it to your hearts content
and I am sure for long you'll savour it.

Is Curvy the new skinny..." Voluption" is in...

"Voluptuous is beautiful, ask men", states Vidya Balan in The Times of India,
Obviously, Vidya, when they all suffer from hypermetropeia!!
If you notice, their favourite letter of the English alphabet is "B",
I hope you understand, I don't wish to sound vulgar and elaborate too much on the female anatomy.
I'm just being jocose, my male friends,
no offense, but seriously,
a little flesh here and there,
is certainly to the naked eye, pleasurable to see. ;)

Who dare say size zero is the newest trend,
when the epitome of voluptuousness, Silk Smitha, picturised by  Vidya,
makes all of us " healthy" women, our voluptuous curves defend.
Take a look at Beyonce, Kim Kardashian, Mariah Carey and J Lo,
even Santa Clause with his barrel shaped tummy looks best, when he goes " Ho Ho Ho ".

A picture of the flat chested Keira Knightley had to be retouched by photoshop for " King Arthur",
because in the sixth century, the women were more rotund and their chests fuller. 
Cameron Diaz and Taylor Swift have undergone upper " rack" augmentation surgeries,
even Vogue made an anorexic Lady Gaga with photoshop in their August issue,
look a little curvy.

Curvy maybe the new skinny, it seems to be the latest fashion,
but who cares about  thin vs curvy,
if your body " works" and carries out it's allocated functions.

Imagine the amount of money saved, if women didn't waste it on  augmentations , diet pills or cellulite treatments,
instead they generously used it towards education, charity or societal betterment.

Cause' the world is very beautiful in reality,
it's just the way you want to look at it,
Tall, short, dark, light,  curvy or skinny!

Two Hundred Blogs up....Thank you all!!

An idle mind is a devil's workshop, they say,
But thankfully, I'm always blessed with enough of work,
I have had no time to while it away.

When I moved to Dubai a year and a half ago,
I had made a conscious decision, 
career woman I wanted to be no more.
And with the passage of time I soon realized, I made the right choice,
I enjoy being a homemaker, spending time my boys.

But besides, household chores, I've got a chance to explore,
Writing, painting, reading and concocting dishes galore.
I enjoy putting thoughts on paper as soon as they cross my mind,
the amusing part is when I think, it always has to rhyme.

It's been ten months since I've been writing on diverse topics,
be it sports, movies, celebrities, my own experiences or views and Indian politics.
I'm happy people enjoy reading the blog, I've been told, messaged and mailed many times
they are written straight from the heart you see,
I'm sure they've  brought many laughs, tears and smiles.

So please continue to do so, enjoy reading " Charmaine's Smiles and Laughter"
today with this post I complete TWO HUNDRED,
hopefully, I continue to write and make you all smile, laugh and cry, forever and ever after!

Cooking by an Ex Undomesticated Unskilled Culinarian

Cooking as defined by Wikipedia is "The process of preparing food, often with the use of heat".
But  pre- marriage, forget cooking, I disliked the smell and touch of raw fish and cold meat.
Cooking in my purview was just frying eggs or making a cup of tea,
but post marriage, Cooking has turned into a therapeutic art for me.
You see, I was told, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach,
so in order to reserve a nice big room in my husband's heart, 
my culinary skills, I had to hurriedly develop.

And as time passed, I realized cooking is indeed a lot of fun,
If you venture into it with positivity, half the job is already done.
When you cook with joy, trouble free, 
your food, a beautiful sonnet, sings,
and if your family loves and relishes it,
more happiness and satisfaction, cooking always brings.

Cooking can also be abusive to the body and accidental,
but to your soul or health it's never detrimental.
Oh yes, the slicing and chopping of onions, 
they always make me cry,
and I always commit the faux pas of  putting a chilli powdered finger,
into a lensed eye.
Little splashes of hot oil make me jump and yelp, when I fry shrimp or legs of chicken,
and sometimes without realizing, I've burnt my favourite  " Super Chef" cooking mitten.

But then,... I think of the cooking gas calling me lovingly  " Come on baby light my fire",
which makes me fall in love with cooking all over again and never makes me tire
The lovely sound of the crackle of mustard and cumin seeds when you dunk them into hot oil,
the jiggy wiggy dance of eggs when you put them in water to boil.
The aromas of garlic, pepper and green chilli when you prepare a honey chilli fish,
add a bit of soya, ginger, vinegar and you get a really scrumptious dish.
The aromatic basmati rice which gives you a feeling of elation,
when each grain looks best, long and segregated, 
though they may not enjoy their separation.

The feeling of soft dough between your fingers which you knead for chapatis,
the softness of flour, chocolate, oil and eggs,
which you mix rapidly  for creating chocolate chip cookies.
The concoction of various herbs and spices and meats and vegetables,
the colours, the sights,  touch, the sizzles, the whistles,
makes cooking an art which I now love and find it most enjoyable!

I may not be a Jamie Oliver, a Sanjeev Kapoor, a Cordon Bleu chef or a Nigella Lawson,
but I've made a way to my husband's heart by enlarging his stomach ;)
that itself makes me, a very happy Culinarian!!

My Secret Love Affair with the Treadmill!

Aah it's been so long since I've got onto you, my love,
the husband is off to work and son off to school,
so it's just you and me
and maybe God watching from above.

Let's  take it slow, it's been a long time,
just feeling your steely body,
makes my mouth curl up into a wide smile.
Let's start with a warm up and then increase the pace,
don't want to gush and blush and turn all red in the face.
I can feel beads of sweat dripping from my hair on to my neck
don't want any of it to fall on you and leave a speck.
Ooooo, I love the way you make my legs move,
you really know how to get ole me march to your groove.

You've got me all tired, you've got me all hot,
30 minutes have passed fast, 
I was so enraptured by you,
That I almost forgot!

Sorry will have to leave you now, have to go back to housework,
and don't want to pick up the son late,
But don't worry, my darling,
Will meet you tomorrow same time, same place,
for our secret workout date!

Lost Friendships....Why????

Why is this world filled with so much anger and hate,
When will such strong feelings from this world emancipate!
But forget the whole world, let's take a peek into our own lives,
where anger, hatred and misunderstandings thrive.
Where friends becomes foes because of a wrong word said,
at one time they were inseparable,
but now prefer being strangers instead.

Misunderstandings taking place due to lack of communication,
leading to a break in friendship and dissipation.
Sometimes truth hurts and many people don't like what you've said,
I guess in such cases, it's better to lie instead.
But if you can't be truthful to your friends,
what sense does it make,
to continuously be politically correct,
which is frustrating, for Gods sake!!

Why are friendships with time becoming egotistical
when indeed it's a relationship which is truly magical.
Why can't misunderstandings and anger be forgotten,
Why do egos always come in the way,
and why can't we just suffer from amnesia
and say "All izz well " the very next day.

Life is too short and unpredictable, it's better to forgive and forget,
cause' one day you'll realise that person is no more,
which sadly you may regret.
Time will pass, wounds will heal but one cannot turn back the hands of time,
so don't break up, instead make up and forge lasting friendships forever with a smile.

Memories of Bandra Fair....

Memories of the Bandra fair clog my memory,
of the one week celebration held in honour of the birthday of Mother Mary.
Roads jam packed with hawkers selling different kinds of wares
from name on rice to t- shirts to fake Gucci Glares.

Mount Carmel Church also has their own September Garden now known as Carmelmela,
with giant wheel, roller coaster rides and Dhin chak music for all Bandra and non Bandra  girlies and "Buggas".
People screeching from baskets high up on the giant wheel,
and foodies enjoying a variety of Goan, Mangalorean or East Indian meals.
Candy floss and hot popcorn, a super combination,
and " Khaas" BEST buses plying tirelessly from Bandstand to Bandra station.

Long whipping canes bought by  parents to discipline disobedient kids, 
I'm sure yours and mine did too!
and  toy drums of different sizes painted red, yellow and blue.

Piggy banks in the shape of 'matkas' made from clay,
and kids blowing horns, eve teasers whistling or purposefully blocking your way.

Mount Mary steps filled with sellers selling Buddhi ka Baal, Aam Papad, garma garma black skinned channas,
and also stone hard soan halwa, sticky Bombay halwa and asli banana chips straight from Kerala.

Traffic jams, incessant car honking, noise reaching new decibel levels,
are all part of the fun and frolic of this chaotic Bandra fair
making the whole experience indeed very enjoyable.
Yes, I pity the residents who have to put up with this mindless horn blowing and bedlam,
luckily it's only a seven day celebration and harmless mayhem.

But Mayhem or madness, the Bandra fair is indeed unforgettable for me,
Though far away, it still brings back nostalgic memories of delightful times, 
spent with great friends and family.

My letter to a Politician to stop local discrimination

Dear Mr. Politician,

Why are you creating such a harried confusion,
On the north Indian, south Indian, Bangalore- Mumbai immigration.
Aren't we all Indians, who belong to one nation,
Then why this incessant discrimination.
Why do you have sleepless nights over the Bihari babus and UP bhaiyas,
Instead of spending your time wisely on controlling petrol prices or the falling " Rupaiya"

Such racial discrimination has now trickled down to the masses,
which manifests on Indian roads with racial comments, stares and lewd passes.
Where a north east Indian is murdered in the south for being a north Indian 
And a south Indian is harassed in the west for his western " infiltration".
It is the constitutional right of all citizens to live in any part of India and seek employment,
then who has given you the right to pass such racial discriminatory judgements.

Someone in the tabloids mentioned you're ancestors were from another state,
then why between north, south, east and west you discriminate.
Very soon to move to other states we'll need visas,
if we are from Bihar or Karnataka and want to work in Maharashtra.
Why do you need to create such hate and always be considered a chauvinistic villain.
Is it a tactic to get more votes for the upcoming election!
When the city that never sleeps is known for its cosmopolitanism,
they why do you over and over again display acts of parochialism.

Lastly, You must remember that we are Indians first, of a  rich and varied heritage,
" India is my country and  all Indians are my brothers and sisters",
if you recollect, it's mentioned in the Indian National Pledge.

Yours sincerely,
A Troubled Indian

My lil poem to Mikhail

Ten little fingers, ten little toes,
One tiny lil "Parsi" nose,
Oh Mikhail you've suddenly grown,
Now into the world you've to venture alone.
Don't worry you're just off to play school,
not to fight or wage a  war,
but now you'll be away from "mommy" for over three long hours.

And in those three hours what's your mum going to do,
Well, she's going to chill and relax and maybe play a game of sudoku,
She'll read the newspaper, do her word games and crosswords,
listen to her favourite music and a few old time ballads.
She'll go for walks in the morning or maybe hit the gym,
It's high time she loses the flab and looks svelte and slim and trim.
She can bathe in peace now, which is indeed a luxury,
not shower in five minutes and rush out in a hurry.
She can do her cooking and baking without you coming in her way,
without any interruptions of football games which you always make her play.
She'll spend some time in prayer and meditation which she always wanted to do,
you're not there to distract her and make a hullabaloo.

Yes, your mum is enjoying her free time, she's spending it with ME,
but without you the house doesn't feel like a home,
it's too clean and neat and empty.

DEATH -THE INEXORABLE THIEF...

Death like a black hooded inexorable thief, slyly slithers at day or night,
and robs us of our most prized possession, the treasure of life.
We know not when and how he'll strike,
Maybe at dusk or dawn or diffused twilight.

He'll not wait patiently for us to finish our unfinished business on earth
or calculate the minutes, hours or years of our birth.
He harbours a fear deep within our souls,
and indeed is the most loathsome ghoul.
He has taken away those we've loved and idolised
But, also of the significance of life made us realise,
that life is short, we must do what we are set out to do and not procrastinate,
Lest death with us, uninvited, will set with him, our inevitable date!

Are we Indians really Independent?

Today, 15th August 2012, is the 65th Indian Independence Day,
where everyone in India enjoys a public holiday.
Some may relax and rejuvenate on this day and watch " Ek Tha tiger" in multiplexes or single screen cinemas,
and whistle to the dialogues of Salman and latkas and jhatkas of Katrina.

Though my ancestors maybe Portugese and Persian,
I am a true blue "mixed breed" Indian,
Even though I reside in another country,
I always have the Indian flag perched all 365 days on my drawing room wall along with that of the UAE.
And like a typical Indian foodie,
I made a cuisine to match the Indian flag,
a white rice, green cabbage vegetable and a nice orange lamb curry.

But jokes aside, this Independence day, I need to ask each one of you a question.
Are we Indians really and truly independent?
We are not, I am afraid!
I am sorry and ashamed to mention.

Independence should ideally mean freedom of choice, freedom of expression,
freedom of movement, freedom from discrimation and freedom from corruption.

Freedom of choice now that's a myth,
where a girl or boy in most parts of India have to marry as per their parents wish.
They cannot select a spouse of their own choice,
if they do, some of them are subject to honour killings, with their life they are forced to pay the price.

Freedom of expression, whenever we open our mouths, we are told to hush up and keep quiet,
if movies are created on certain issues, political parties interfere and create a riot.
No one likes to hear the truth or listen to reason,
if we are independent then howcome we still do not enjoy the freedom of expression.

"Hey you're a mallu, hey you're from Karnataka,
hey Madrasi, how dare you enter our Maharashtra!
That's freedom of movement for you,
where an Indian cannnot move freely from one state to another,
without unnecessary cries, verbal and physical abuse.
Can a woman move freely without being stared at lasviciously,
or teased and troubled by lecherous Indians publicly.
Can she move freely at 12 AM midnight,
without certain apprehensions or always looking back to see if she's being followed, in fright.

Discrimination is a way of the Indian life,
no Hindu man will ever want a Muslim wife
or for that matter no Brahmin will with a Dalit be seen in close proximity,
and among Christians, Hindus, Muslims and Parsis,
there's discrimination within sects, you see.
We often hear "Oh you're a Mangalorean, Oh you're a Keralite, oh you're a Goan",
but no one realises that we belong to one country and we are all " Bloody Indians"!

Unfortunately, freedom from corruption is the hardest to attain,
to achieve a corrupt free country, over 80% of the politicians need to be slain.
Where taxes collected should be sent to the government exchequer,
are used by politicians to make their lives better.
Where corruption is found at every level,
from bribing a government official to the traffic policeman for breaking a signal.

I know this is a pretty hard hitting article to write on Independence day,
I am an Independent Indian, I wish to celebrate it in my own way,
After all I am executing my freedom of expression,
by writing what I feel and bringing it to everybody's attention.

Funny Matrimonial Ads for Wives!

Beggar
Allah ke naam pe Ek biwi de de bhaiya,
Jo Hamare  saath hamesha bheek mangega,
aur 10-15 bachey sadak par paida karke,
uss se bhi bheek mangvayega!!

Banker
Wanted wife who will always keep me "interest"ed,
who will not debit my account often and with excellent services, I will always be credited
She should do the laundry but not carry out anti-money laundering activities,
which will reduce income and affect the budgeted household expenses,
And in our credit card statement cause unnecessary anomalies.

Astrologer
Wanted a woman who in unison will foretell the future of our happy married life,
a much needed requirement of my prospective wife
where her planet, Venus will meet my planet, Mars 
and who will be interested in creating a baby Aquarius and baby Libra,
under a sky filled with twinkling stars.

Pilot
Wanted wife who will take control of my cockpit,
who will always serve me with a smile
and not throw any tantrums or fits.
She must ensure her head is not in the clouds and her feet firmly on the ground,
And always remain slim and slender like an air hostess and never grow rotund.

Doctor
Wanted wife who will cure me of the cardiac unrest
caused by long hours of work and loneliness,
Want someone who will ensure my blood pressure and insulin levels are always normal,
And heal my erectile dysfunction at regular intervals.

Businessman
Wanted wife who together with me will form a company,
And ensures that our marital graph shows profitability.
Losses will be forgiven, but black money should be hidden,
and not always spent on shopping, but sensibly.
Also she must ensure that she produces male heirs, two but not one,
Because in future, the name of the company should  be Mr. And Mrs. X and sons.

Traffic Policeman
Wanted wife who will turn left, right, go north and south,
and also stand by me in times of dead ends and roundabouts.
With one signal, my requirement she must understand,
Else the pieces of our failed marriage will have to be picked up by a towing van.

Lawyer
Wanted wife who must provide evidence that she is of sound mind, a virgin and not a minor,
And must talk politely and respectfully when addressing her juror.
She must raise objections before marriage as later they will not be sustained,
And "My Lord" , her husband she must loudly proclaim.

Astronaut
Wanted wife who will explore the universe with me
and together all galaxies we'll see.
We will create little baby comets and meteorites
and in our little space ship cuddle under the warm moonlight.

Economist
Wanted wife who will address all my demands
and supplies to my every requirement on my command.
Her elasticity of demands for my supplies must not exceed,
and she must never reach the stage of diminishing marginal utility.

What a prospective bride wants in a groom!!

Besides the idealistic requirements of tall, dark/fair and handsome,
and loving, caring and kind,
When a prospective bride searches for a groom, 
There's actually something else going on in her mind.

When she states she wants a man who is well educated,
she means nothing less than an engineer or doctor,
or a financial Post graduate or a doctorate,
or even a chiropractor.
Someone with less qualifications would also make do, 
but then, they'd  have to earn a big pay packet,
with additional perks too.
Because "Money hai toh honey hai" or " it's all about the money, honey",
and money is the true luxury, 
always needed to keep the wife, 
forever smiling and happy.

When she speaks, she would want him to always look into her eyes,
"look into her eyes" , once again let me emphasise!
She  is not a fleshy piece of meat and has more anatomy than a chest,
he must realise this sooner than later
and treat her with the utmost respect.

She would want a husband to take her on at least, one international trip annually,
maybe a romantic holiday in France or Italy
or Switzerland or Chile.
If financially not  feasible, she'd settle for a holiday in Bulgaria, Latvia or Austria,
But a definite no-no to any trip to the local Lonavla,  Khandala
or even the posh Lavasa.

She would want her future husband to relish the delicacies she cooks,
and never want him to compare her culinary skills to his " Mummy's ",
if he wishes to be spared of " I wish you would turn to ash" cold looks.

She would also want him to never mention his mother's or any other woman's name in vain,
if he does, don't blame her, if she constantly nags, whines and complains.
As she doesn't like comparisons especially if it's " weighty issues" between two women,
she may not mention it,
but in time, the future husband more often than not, will ascertain.

Her future husband should be an epitome of charity
he should give her an add on credit card, with an unlimited credit facility.
And if he gets a shock seeing the credit card statement's obscene figure,
he must understand that the clothes, shoes, bags etc. she has bought,
is part of the household and her maintenance expenditure.

When she says she's tired, he must be sensible and understand,
and remember that there are nights where he needs to sleep with zipped up pants.
Cause' she wouldn't like to hurt his big male ego,
by faking " a you know what" which most of the time, he wouldn't really know.

Basically, she wants a "lover"able, " bank"able, "charitable" life partner,
who with her insatiable wants and demands,
will  in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, all the days of her life,
blindly love and accept her.

What prospective grooms actually look for in a bride!!

Prospective grooms in their search for a bride mention requirements of age, height, education, caste and even sect,
But if you actually read between the lines, they want someone who for the " Job of wife",
is absolutely, positively, undoubtedly, completely perfect!

She must be a MODEL who is 36"-24"-36"  but also an ACCOUNTANT with a  head for figures,
she must be averse to shopping and must always ensure,
she doesn't exceed the budgeted household expenditure.

She must be a MASTER-CHEF who understands the concept of fine dining,
but at the same time ensures she cooks humongous quantities of food,
lest the husband is in the foulest of moods.
because a man in a hungry state will be constantly grumbling and whining,

She must be an excellent HOUSEKEEPER,
who at least once a day, sweeps, mops and dusts,
cleans the toilets and bath tubs regularly,
which for the husband, is an absolute must.

She must be a NANNY to his children,
feeds them and cleans them by nine.
Plays with them, reads to them, disciplines them,
and ensures they sleep early at night,
so that with the husband she can spend more " Quality" time.

She must be an EVENT MANAGER,
excellent in organizing birthdays, anniversaries and all kinds of events,
ensuring that the best is served,
but at the same time ensure, the least amount is spent.

She must possess effective SECRETARIAL skills,
as men seem to be blessed with poor memories,
She needs to keep reminders on her phone,
even though he can do so, with his very own Blackberry.

She needs to be his PERSONAL ASSISTANT or Diary for all special days,
and needs to be the TELE CALLER for friends and family,
just in case he's held up at work or in a meeting delayed.

Basically she should be a " Joan of all trades and MBA of all",
love, care and serve her husband hand and foot,
and in time, turn them into fattened turkey butterballs!

The Past, the present and the future..

Rejoice and enjoy your present,
do not delve in the days gone by,
the present will soon become your past, 
which undoubtedly proves, that time does fly.

Do not worry about the future,
no one knows what it holds,
no one can predict what's in store for you and what story will unfold.

NASA has predicted a total blackout between 23rd and 25th December,
If true, it'll surely be an unusual Christmas,
one we all will remember.
Don't think 2012 is the end of the world or the almighty God's dreaded curse.
The Earth and the Sun will align for the first time, 
it is an alignment of the universe.
Imagine three days of total darkness, everything will be pitch black,
We all can catch up on sound sleep,
a luxury in our fast paced lives we do seem to lack.

The universe will undergo a transition  but no one can foretell what days will come,
just stay calm, eat, love and pray and take what they say,
like a glass of coke mixed with good ole' " Old Monks Rum  ;)"!

Never mix food and love!!

Even today, I am highly amused by the "lovey-dovey" sights at Bandra Bandstand.
Couples gazing into each others eyes or walking on the promenade, hand in hand.
some canoodling and cuddling on ash grey pointed rocks,
and some caught in an Hrithik-Katrina " Zindagi Naa Milegi Dobaara" style lip lock!

I am unable to understand this " Love making" for general public view,
Sometimes the sights and scenes make us walkers, squirm in embarrassment too.

"All is fair in love and war", in " Euphues", said John Lyly,
but "all is not fair when you mix food and love" let me reiterate this emphatically.

Why would I say this you may ask, but let me explain my logic,
You can't mix love and food, cause' both need to be enjoyed in unison but at the same time separate!

It's saddening to see young couples sip on two straws from a single glass of coke or pepsi,
looking into each others starlit eyes, oh so romantically.
The height of impracticality is when they share a solitary burger,
where one will take a small bite and then lovingly feed the other.
This futile exercise goes on and on till they reach the final bite,
And one will say " you have it" and the other " no you have it",
I really pity the poor on-lookers plight!
The tiny piece moves back and forth, till she says, "only if you feed me",
and when he gives her the piece, she takes it and slam-dunks it into his mouth like a basketball,
And gives a shy smile of victory!

Call me an unrealistic, impractical, hardhearted unromantic,
but when it comes to food, I will call myself "Hedonistic".
You may be madly in love but you may end up in war,  if you share  food,
and mind you such kind of sharing for a relationship, is not always good!
Because after all this romance, the boy and girl both go home hungry,
and the girl may even curse the guy for his " Kanjoosigiri"!

Thankfully my husband  is passionate about his food like me,
there will never be a dearth of romance between us,
but when it comes to a burger or any kind of food,
he'll  always order two or more and ensure he enjoys it separately!!

Har Haath Mein Phone!!- The Government's new Mantra!

"Har Haath Mein Phone" is the new mantra of the UPA,
where PM Manmohan Singh has decided to give to 6.5 lakh below poverty line (BPL) families,
mobile phones freely away.

Read this in the newspapers and found it extremely amusing
that our government for the upcoming elections in 2014,
such senseless tactics are using!

So instead of providing the BPL families " Roti, kapda aur Makaan"
the government wisely decided, 'why not provide free mobiles and make them less "Pareshaan"!'
Also with the free phone, comes free talktime of 200 minutes,
sadly, the BPL families cannot fill their empty stomachs with it.

Sonia Gandhi must have said "Chalo let's go the Marie Antoinette's way,
she said "Let them eat cake" and so why not we get votes by giving free phones away."

But will these mobile phones function, that is my primary question,
where in most rural areas there is no network coverage for any kind of connection.
Besides the big issue of no mobile connectivity,
how will these families charge their new cell phones, if they enjoy no luxury of electricity.

Off late, political parties have thought of new means and methods to collect votes,
some distribute Televisions freely, some washing machines and some even distribute 100 rupee notes.

Rs. 7000 crores seems to be an exorbitant amount on a frivolous scheme of cell phones to spend,
where these poor families do not have any means, to survive their hapless end!

Instead why can't the government concentrate on " Har Haath Mein kitaab",
I am sure it'll be beneficial and for everyone bring about " Shubh Laabh"!

Funny Finds on Facebook!

While browsing through Facebook, many posts, pictures and comments catch my attention,
But more than entertainment, I sometimes get certain bouts of apprehension!

When people put up " X is at Y five star hotel" or at the " Byculla zoo"
After reading such funny statuses, I've decided to make one for Facebook, 
"Charmaine has checked into her residential loo!"
Seriously, nobody cares if you're at the Itc, Sheraton, Taj or Armani at the Burj Khalifa,
But if your stalker is on Facebook, it would be so easy for him/ her to know exactly where you are.
Imagine if all criminals and terrorists updated on Facebook their whereabouts,
The world would indeed be a peaceful place to live in, without an iota of doubt!
Maybe Osama had mentioned his location on Facebook with "Osama is at Abbotabad"
That's the reason the US were able to trace him so easily, without working too hard!

The second find on Facebook which I found extremely absurd
Is when people talk or post pictures on religion, 
personally, I feel, is not at all required.
After all religion is a very private and a controversial issue,
We don't need Facebook for people to express their religious views.
I'm sure most of us go to temples, churches, gurudwaras and mosques,
We don't need a fun site like Facebook, to preach sermons to the social networking flock.
If people want to carry out the process of evangelisation,
Facebook, I'm sorry is not the right place, so please use some sense of discretion.
We all we visit Facebook to catch up with friends, family and network with people across the globe,
We don't need to be overtly religious and on others our "Godly" thoughts impose.

The last funny find on Facebook which I found extremely hilarious
is when people post " I'm sick, I've got a cough and cold", 
Facebook is not going to cure you, you need a doctor, medical aid or an antivirus!
If you want to joke about your illness or your cuts or burns like me,
It's absolutely fine, but remember Facebook can cure you socially but not medically.

That's it ...Take me seriously or don't, it's absolutely your choice,
I'm just a blogger expressing my point of views, 
in a manner which is poetically frank as well as politely nice;)!

Should Anna Hazare and team join the political bandwagon?

At last Anna Hazare decided to end his fast and form a "Political alternative"
But what benefit will Anna and his supporters to the political system give?
Team Anna has decided for the next two years to travel across the country,
to search for suitable candidates to fight elections as a political alternative
and if unsuccessful, to form their own political party.

So is Anna and team doing the right thing?
By entering politics, will they in the present political scenario, a difference bring!
The Congress in its two terms  has left the economy in shambles
whereas the BJP as a party is mired with their internal infighting and infamous for being communal.
A political party by team Anna would indeed be a refreshing change,
where a party would be formed for betterment of the country than playing religious and caste games.
A political party formed to contest elections not to appease minorities on the pretext of secularism
and concentrate on the country's future development and fight against the Political "chors", " dacoits" and "devils" of corruption.

I only hope this is not the reigning party's conspiracy,
to support Anna to form a political party,
where the congress gets votes and people's support with assistance from Anna and team,
And once again, shatter hopes of a better India, along with a billion dreams!

My Dieting debacle!!

After my three week "bingeing" trip in Mumbai,
decided I'd follow the diet recommended by "Chota Bhai"
the famous Primal Diet by Mark Sisson,
but to follow such a diet for me would indeed be life's toughest decision.
It's a diet where you have to give up all sorts of carbohydrates,
and after hearing about what I'd have to sacrifice,
I decided I'd give up water instead and dehydrate!

No dals, no rice, no cereals, no rotis,
imagine having your meat and fish curry with a plate full of veggies.
For breakfast it's okay to have eggs with cheese, sausages and ham,
but no bread and butter and definitely no marmalades or fruit jam.

Mark Sisson recommends eating alot of cherries,strawberries and all types of berries,
but being a loyal sweet toothed Indian,
I can't think of giving up the ladoos, pedas and the sugar syrup coated jalebis.
Eating chocolates made of 85% cocoa is also recommended by him,
but the idea of giving up my Galaxy's, Toblerones and all kinds of milk chocolates is the biggest sin.

Then a friend told me about her diet recommended by some doctor,
where you eat a Marie biscuit every half hour and drink gallons of water.
For breakfast you don't eat the yoke but eat six egg whites
and for lunch and dinner, half kilo vegetables with 100 grams rice.

Who can ever follow such primal, medieval or modern diets!
Besides the Hollywood and Bollywood bimbettes and starlets,
who need to have the hour glass figure or rather the anorexic look,
where they only inhale the steam from the dishes they cook.

It is rightly said that a diet is the penalty you pay when you exceed the feed limit,
but I don't want to be penalised in such a hefty manner so I've decided I'd rather not diet.

Maybe some people can diet and some just cannot,
I fall into the second category, where I know I'll lose weight,
cause' laughter is the best exercise and I do laugh alot!!

Does India need a President!!

So finally, Pranab Mukherjee is the new President of India,
we've had 13 presidents since 26 January, 1950 so far.
But my question here is " Do we Indians really need a President?"
where they are paid exorbitant salaries and given free residence,
where expenses like telephone bills, electricity bills, transport bills and others are paid for,
where post retirement, they are entitled to pension and a government rent free bungalow.

Over Rs. 300 crores is spent during a single president's tenure,
where the same amount could be wisely spent on providing homes to the homeless,
on infrastructure or on providing proper drinking water

The president is the formal head of the Legislature, Executive and Judiciary branches of Indian democracy
but he can't summon or prorogue the houses of parliament without the advice of the Prime Minister, you see.

International treaties and agreements are negotiated and concluded on behalf of the president,
but normally negotiations are carried out by the PM and treaties are subject to approval of parliament.

Yes, the president is the commander in chief of the Indian armed forces,
but no war can be declared or peace concluded over any country without the army, navy and air force chief's consensus.

The president is the formal head of state but still seems so powerless,
it really doesn't matter if we have a president or not, nonetheless!
Cause' of late this vacancy is filled by retired ex-politicians or puppets of political parties,
Hopefully, Pranab Mukherjee does not turn out to be just a ceremonial head or a globetrotter like his predecessor,
I pray idealistically and optimistically!!

Raksha Bandhan - the unbreakable bond!

Raksha Bandhan is a day to celebrate the bond of protection
where a brother promises to protect his sister from all harm and danger
It is not just the tying of sacred thread and exchanging gifts,
but a festival to celebrate the relationship between brother and sister.

Raksha Bandhan is mostly celebrated by a few Muslims, Sikhs and Hindus,
though I am none of the above, I've tied a Rakhi on my brother's wrist, ever since he's two.
I still remember those years where he'd wear the rakhi for days and days,
till the Rakhi would finally wear out and reach the last few threads.
I've still got his Raksha Bandhan gift, which he bought me years ago with his saved pocket money,
a pair of golden ball earrings, made exclusively for me.

Whenever I reminiscence the past, I have a happy smile on my face
I still have fond memories of the food competitions, the fights, our home made puppet shows and Hotwheels car race.
Oh I must say we've been true blue brother and sister,
where we've fought "dishoom bishoom" and even come to blows,
we've played with cars, dolls, Gi Joes and guns
and faced a yelling grandma when we've broken vases playing cricket indoors.

But no gifts or tying of rakhi or a special day can define this inseparable bond we share,
no gold, diamonds,silver or designer bags ;) can measure our sublime love or how much, for each other we do care.

Because though it's over two years since I've tied a rakhi on my brother's wrist,
All I want to say is "Don't feel so sad Bro', for next Raksha Bandhan, in advance I'll send you my shopping list!"

Trust - is it a diminishing quality?

"In God we trust" read that on a church display in Bandra, a few weeks ago
We seem to trust the unseen God, but we don't seem to trust human beings anymore,
the watchman, the grocer, the sweeper or even the cleaner mopping our building floor.
Sometimes we don't trust our reflection in the glass or our own shadow!

Sadly, we don't trust our close loved ones, something I find extremely preposterous and odd
we rather spell out our secrets to strangers on social networking sites or visit diverse places of worship and pray to different Gods.

Wives are suspicious of their husbands and vice versa,
the poor man is struggling to finish his pile of work, but the wife suspects he's having a "Lafda"
The Husband assumes the wife is having an affair, when she comes home late,
it's very sad that the foundation of marriage i.e. Trust, is no longer a part of their fate.

Trust seems to have turned to dust or vanished into thin air
Everyone seems to be overweighed by worries or matters of despair.
But all relationships old or new are based on trust,
And if relationships are to be created in future, than trust my friends, is indeed a must!