DHOOM3 REVIEW

So,near an overtly loud, burping lady
watched Dhoom3 which surely tests the law of gravity
with the leading men flying bikes high in the air.
Poor Newton he'd surely be pulling out his hair.
Aamir Khan steals the show with his class act
he looks dapper in waistcoat donning a bowling hat.
He's endearing with his furrowed brows and all
he makes you laugh, sigh and bawl.

Katrina breezes through like a whiff of unwanted air
you suddenly realise in the movie " oh yeah she's there"!
Abhishek makes a good cop like he did in Dhoom 1 and Dhoom2,
But sadly here with tapori Uday Chopra,
there's really not much work to do.
He rides through brick walls in Amchi Mumbai rickshaws
leaving you spluttering with helpless guffaws.

It is indeed an Aamir Khan movie all the way
leave all logic at home, with popcorn in hand,
go watch it anyway.
Watch it for the free visual tour of Chicago
for electrifying stunts and if for Aamir
or AB baby you go gung ho.
I went with no expectations and came out happy,
wondering whether there'll be more Dhoom after this illogical, dhamakedaar Dhoom3!

RIP Nelson

RIP Nelson adorns walls on Facebook and every social site
He had said,” It ain’t matter if you’re black or white,
As long as you have a good heart and a good head and you do what’s right.”

But, today as I took a walk along the beach, I faced a great irony,
Where, the ‘whites’ were getting a sun tan in the sweltering heat at three.
And as I looked away, I saw Sharukh Khan smiling from a billboard at me
Silently whispering, “Kaaley hain toh kya hua,
Fair and Lovely use karo and you’ll be chikna and gora or gori gori.”

And, on this humorous note I bid farewell to Nelson Mandela, the great
Sir, please do request the almighty for more stalwarts like you,
Hurry....don’t delay as black or white, caste or creed discrimination......that’s our global fate.


Picture courtesy: comicvine.com

Height of Ignorance

As I walked to the park one balmy day
I saw a young girl along the way.
She was sitting on a bench all alone,
crying, desolate and forlorn.
I walked up and asked, “Why do you cry?”
But, for a moment, got no reply.
She frantically replied, “Gorblimey!
The porn I watched has impregnated me.”
At first, I was baffled, I didn’t understand
And then at her ignorance I guffawed, “Oh man!”
“How many movies did you watch?” I asked teasingly
“Three”, she replied, dolefully.

I straight facedly said, “Oh, you watched three movies of porn.
Now, not one, but three offspring will be born.”
She looked at me aghast with fear in her eyes
I thought no more teasing, I’d better make her realise
And said, “Go home and Google ‘How babies are born?’
You need a male counterpart for sure, darling
But...it’s definitely not possible through solitarily watching porn.

BMc's Manequinn Madness

Dear BMC,

I guffawed when I read the headlines in the tabloids yesterday,
where your councillors have proposed a  ban on skimpy clad mannequins in " Amchi" Bombay.
You may feel this ban will reduce sexual crimes against the fairer race
if you cover up these lifeless lifelike dolls staring down at your face.
But, how did you ever come up with such a ludicrous proposition
is beyond my imagination and shows your  organisation's mental retrogradation.
Seriously, dear councillors no man will ever get any ejaculatory pleasure
by staring lasciviously at dummies made of plaster of Paris or other glass fiber.
On the contrary, they may suffer from an erectile dysfunction
if they contemplate on getting from a dummy any libidinous satisfaction.
Why not ban the "free for all" display of male urination at railway tracks and public places,
We women do not enjoy the sight of strange "one eyed snakes",
peering at our disgusted faces.

So, Ladies and gentlemen of the " esteemed" BMC 
please rethink your moral policing proposal more sensibly.
Such a plan will not curb rapes or other sexual crimes,
rather, come up with a strategy which will keep " humans" in line.
Leave the bechara mannequins alone,
the thought of no branded CK, Victoria's Secret, M&S will leave them desolate and forlorn.
I'm sure there's enough work to keep you councillors gainfully busy,
so, please don't waste time on such jocular, meaningless, mindless triviality.

From,
A ROTFLMAO Bombayite

YEH JAWAANI HAIN DIWANI- Kaisi hain yeh filmi kahaani!!

Yeh jawani hain diwani is a pretty drab and lonnnnnnng Kahaani,
where boy meets girl and girl falls in love with boy on a trek in Manali.
But he has dreams to achieve and miles to go before he sleeps
so he doesn't allow his " Badtameez Dil" for her go Dhak Dhak or leap.

This movie cannot be juxtaposed with " Zindagi naa milegi Dobara,
It's more a movie on mixed idealogies,
encompassing a mundane love and friendship drama.
YJHD is a good looking movie but lacks a good storyline,
it tries to be preachy and at times childishly sublime.
The Naach and the Gaana happens more often, than not,
and hampers the pace of the film and weakens the plot.
This movie is a typical masala flick, a bit zany and breezy,
but, not refreshingly different like the " Wake up Sid" of Mr.Ayan Mukherji.
There's nothing left to imagination with the "in your face" skin show,
unlike the 1990s where we wondered " Choli ke peeche kya hain" two decades ago.

Deepika is commendable as the bespectacled medical student, silently in love; Naina
Moving ably from geeky girl to sexy contact lensed lass baring her " Patli kamariya".
Aditya Roy Kapoor proves he can act well as a flirt and a bearded alcoholic
But I hope not to see him with a daru bottle in his next Hindi flick.
Kalki is superb with her anglicized hindi accent too
transitioning effortlessly from Tom boy to a beautiful "Honewali Indian Bahu".
And as usual my favourite Ranbir Kapoor is brilliant as always
effortlessly fitting into his role as Bunny, flirtatious and focused in many ways.
Be it his dialogue delivery, facial expressions or his smooth dancing moves,
this man is a Rockstar...he surely gets you into the groove.

So Yeh Jawaani Hain Diwani is not all that bad a Bollywood flick,
The choreography, acting and cinematography is pretty slick.
The editors could've snipped the film a bit more,
but, if you've got a large tub of caramel popcorn and great company,
go ahead watch this masalaedaar movie and enjoy the show.

A Different Kind of Love Letter

I cannot take my eyes of you, 
all dressed in white with blotches of black and red,
and colour of chocolate spread generously,
over a slice of white bread.
I love the way you gaze at me 
and you know I love it too.
You know how my heart beats for you, my darling,
I don't need to utter those three little words " I love you".

It was love at first sight from our first meet,
that happened years ago.
And from that moment till today, 
it's difficult to let you go.

As I  reach out slowly to touch you, 
I can feel beads of sweat trickle down my head
I've held you in my hands before,
but this time nervousness has taken over instead.

I feel your softness on my lips,
a shiver goes down my spine.
But it's just you, me and the silver spoon,
Aaaaah ..NUTELLA...you are indeed, blissfully divine. ;)

Has the F word replaced the infamous "Shit"?

A few days ago, I read a book written by a renowned Indian author. The book was well written with an interesting storyline and a nail biting finish but I came across the infamous “Fuck” in nearly every chapter where; either the protagonist or his mates or his girlfriend used it with great alacrity. That made me wonder as to what has happened to good old English where the F word was never mentioned in any of the books we read as children or never caressed our lips like it does now. It seems more a slap across the cheek than a caress. It’s like “Here a fuck, there a fuck, everywhere a fuck, fuck!”

Earlier we used “Oh no”, a normal reaction if something was unsatisfactory or fallacious. The “oh no” was unconsciously replaced by “Oh Shit”. So, if something went wrong we’d go “Oh Shit” or “Shit, shit, shit!!” Not that the problem would be solved by constant use of this defecating word.
I remember a few years back I bought a book “Oh Shit not again” written by an Indian author. I seriously don’t know what made me do so. I should’ve guessed from the title itself that it was “Shit” and I said to myself “ Oh shit never again” after reading this horrendous piece of so called literature.

I use the word “Shit” a lot. But, after having offspring of my own, the word “Shit” has been consciously shortened to “Shhhh” or an “oh shit” to “Ohsssshh”. I don’t want the little sod going “shit” whenever he does something naughty because then I’m sure it would be used throughout the day. And, I’ve got enough of his shit to clean up anyway. (Please excuse the smutty writing).

But, now the “Oh shit” or “Shit” has been replaced by “Oh Fuck” or “Fuck” respectively. So, if a person is angry with someone, he or she volleys out the expletive “Fuck you, B@#$%%*!” with great fervor.
When you refer to a dictionary “Fuck” means ‘To have sexual intercourse with’ or ‘an act of sexual intercourse’. So, when a person says “Fuck you” or “ Fuck off” , does he mean that you have to have sexual intercourse with yourself? Is that humanly possible? Are we asexual? Or does he mean “Go masturbate”. It’s a pretty perplexing and a befuddling statement, if I may say so.

The ridiculous part is that this word is part of all the Websters, Colins, Oxford dictionaries of the world and God knows myriads more. It seems to have originated in 1475 . In ancient England a person could not have sex unless you had consent of the King (unless you were in the Royal Family). When anyone wanted to have a baby, they got consent of the King, the King gave them a placard that they hung on their door while they were having sex. The placard had F.*.*.*. (Fornication Under Consent of the King) on it. Now you know where that came from.
(Imagine if such permission was needed from the Prime Minister or President of India, we surely wouldn't be as populous a nation as we are today.)

We hear it in movies be it Hollywood or Bollywood...(hmmmm not yet, only the finger is shown) and in songs. It’s even part of the name of a music group, LMFAO. How original!! Though in Bollywood, thanks to our “Mary Magdalene most holy” censor board, a kiss is looked at as distasteful and irrelevant in a movie too.
Personally, the only problem which I foresee is our offspring or nieces, nephews, etc picking up one of these books written by authors who use this word in their so called literary works as randomly as they use the conjunction “And”. But, I guess the word “Fuck” is here to stay and I've to learn to accept the inevitable where in time that expletive would be replaced by another profane, obscene, vulgar word. And, then “Fuck” won’t sound so mind numbing or shocking like it did or does today. I guess we’ll all have to wait and see. Till then I’ll be content with the other F word….Food.

A Love gone crazy

He saw her standing at the market place,
the same effervescent smile lit her face.
It took him down memory lane twenty years ago,
where from friends to lovers, they did grow.
He loved her passionately with all his heart,
He couldn't fathom staying from her apart.
But one summer's day, she migrated to a new land
and he was left a lonely  man.
She tearfully bid farewell before she left,
But this made him angry and bereft.
And in the most abhorrent way, 
He said " I hate you, please go away!"
She stood silently and stared at him,
his words had cut her from within.
She left him standing all alone,
he repentant of his misdemeanor and forlorn.

She saw him standing at the market place,
staring at her effervescent face.
She smiled and towards him walked,
it had been awhile since they had talked.
His heart for her still, did pound,
he could hear the deafening palpitation sound.
But before they could start their overdue chat
a man approached her in a tweed suit and a bowling hat.
She told him " I'll meet you at the cafe in sometime,
I need to catch up with this old friend of mine."
The man in the hat bowed, smiled and walked away.
He looked at her, he didn't know what to say.
He realised she had married and had her own brood.
He could feel an alteration in his happy mood.
He said " You better get back to your husband, don't make him wait,
I better get going, I can't be late."
She laughed and said " He's my brother, don't you remember,
playing cops and robbers with him in those cold Novembers.
I never did marry, I could never love again.
I loved only once but that brought me pain."
He wept bitterly, tears streamed down his eyes,
" Please forgive me, you know my retortion was all lies.
I loved you then and I love you now too.
I couldn't bear the thought of being separated from you."

" There he is, there is that mad man,
Hurry! Hurry get him into the van."
Three nurses  caught him, whilst he fought to let go,
he raved and ranted till he couldn't anymore.
She stood still in shock as to the St. Louis asylum, he was driven away,
if only she had forgiven him then, he wouldn't be a lunatic today.

A " Threatening" Anniversary

He'd come home from work and watch football everyday.
Whilst she in the kitchen toiled and slogged away.
He with his boxers and she with her apron
he in front of the idiot box and she in the kitchen.

On 12 April 2012, 
They completed five years of wedded "bliss"
she was hoping he'd surprise her
for putting up with his football " neurosis".

She hoped he'd leave work early 
and sweep her of her feet soon.
He hadn't wished her in the morn 
and now it was way past noon.

He entered the driveway hurriedly.
It was at half past four
Took off his tie and shoes
and threw his  briefcase on the floor.

He ran and turned on  the television.
There was again an "important"  match.
" Arsensal" vs " Manchester United"
Now this was a game he had to catch.

She heard his voice in the drawing room
yelling loud and happy cheers.
She ran from the kitchen to greet him happily
but was met with a table full of Budweisers.

She stood in front of the screen
and asked him " Do you know what day it is today?"
He looked at her irritatedly and said " It's the premier league final,
Darling move aside, you're standing in my way!"

" I can't believe you forgot our anniversary
But you remembered your game.
You haven't wished or kissed me at all
aren't you in the least bit ashamed."

He said " Now my dear don't over react.
I will wish you in sometime.
This match will end in 90 minutes.
go pour yourself a glass of wine."

The wife could take his football obsession no more
Finally she decided, she had to come up with a cure.
She ran to the bedroom and from his side drawer pulled out his gun
smiled to herself and said " now let's have some anniversary fun."

She went up to him and pointed the gun to his head
" If you don't stop this football mania at once,
you'll be watching football from heaven  
with the twelve apostles,  instead!"

He knew she could do it.
He could see murder in her eyes.
A year has passed since then,
the happy couple's now blessed with a bonny baby boy!!

The " Harlem Shake"

He jumped up from his sleep at 7 Am to harsh, grating sounds
No pleasure to his senile ears, they made his heart pound.
He got up from his bed and put on his night robe,
but as he got closer to the music, it  hurt his ear lobes.

He peeked into the drawing room and was astounded to see
his rotund wife and her rotund friends gyrating vigorously.
They were dancing to the  famous " Harlem Shake"
causing in the neighborhood, a mild earthquake.

The wife suddenly turned and caught her husband's stares
She blushed in embarrassment to be caught unaware.
He smiled, it was indeed an amusing sight
to see three scores and ten (70 years) ladies shaking their "booty" left and right.

She said " We've got to record this for our Facebook friends to see
the " Harlem shake" done by ladies in their early seventies.
Darling, get the camcorder and record it soon
It needs to be uploaded on YouTube way before noon."

The poor old man tottered away with nothing more to say,
he thought to himself " Her orders, I better hurriedly obey,
Lest she'll make me dance to the " Harlem Shake"
for five decades to her tunes I did obediently gyrate.
But this old doddering body can take no more!
If I've to do the " Harlem Shake", 
I'll soon be "knock knock knocking on heaven's door!"

An " Abstained" Wedding Night

It was a bright, sunny day of Spring,
where they both exchanged diamond studded wedding rings,
amongst a crowd of over a hundred
friends, colleagues, kith and kindred.

They wed on March 1st,  the beginning of the Lenten season,
The groom was overtly religious and didn't want a grand celebration.
He was against the serving of Whiskys, Rums and spirits of any kind
so to the toast, everyone raised their glasses filled with grape juice and not red wine.

The bride agreed to all the grooms whims and fancies,
she knew a wedding day to a marriage had less sanctity.
She was happy to spend the rest of her life with her love from work
though he had his own oddities and peculiar quirks.

Finally the reception ended, they rushed to their hotel room,
she sat on the bed gazing lovingly at her groom.
She sat close to him, whilst he slowly undressed
her hand on his thigh, she gently caressed.

But as her fingers moved upwards, he moved away.
He said " No no darling, we can't make love today!"
She asked, " Why??", with a quizzical expression
" Isn't the wedding night meant to be a night of memorable passion!"

He turned away and said " I'm sorry but it's lent, I'll have to abstain.
Don't worry after Easter, I'll be all yours on our honeymoon in Spain."
She couldn't believe the man she just married had said what he had said.
She replied wryly " Ok darling, but why not abstain completely 
and  till Easter make the floor your bed!"

An Unforbidden Love

Her husband was in slumberland in a sleep so deep
but she lay awake in bed on the white cotton sheet 
Her eyes affixed on the alluring beauty above
she knew in her heart it was not a forbidden love.

She had loved her ever since she was a young girl
it was not an unnatural love different from this world.
Her beauty had captivated  and seduced her every fortnight.
She felt her sallow skin caressed by her robes shining white.

This was a secret affair she always looked forward to.
She'd lay on her bed lifeless like a cold marble statue.
She'd focus and stare up at her for hours 
and this goddess in white would gaze at her from afar.

The moon goddess shines on her with incandescent vitality
she shifts to her right side...her eyelids shut gradually.
She knows she'll be back to brighten the melancholy, dark sky
This is a never ending love story, she need not say Good bye.

When God Appeared...

Time stood still, the earth shook and quavered
and then suddenly a man dressed in white in the sky appeared.
With sleight of hand he parted the earth and day turned to night,
but he was shining bright like the brightest of lights
People were awestricken, confused and petrified,
Is this an alien, is this God, they thought terrorised.

And then he spoke for all the world to hear,
people looked up at him with a revered fear.
" I created you all in my likeness and image 
but to each other you continue to cause perpetual damage.
You fight within yourselves, for religion, for land, for race,
and commit carnage, bloodshed, destruction in utmost disgrace.
Innocent lives are lost, infants die in their mothers wombs,
playgrounds overnight are converted into burial tombs.
I created the mountains, deserts, the seven seas in all it's beauty,
the universe with all resplendence and unspeakable artistry.
But seas have been reclaimed for concrete jungles to be built,
trees and nature is felled without any guilt.
I gave hearts to love, eyes to see and mouths to speak,
but people communicate less amongst themselves and more with technology.
Hearts are filled with more hatred, more jealousy, greed and lust,
but don't forget all this will end, you will turn to dust."

 " But God you gave us freewill."  someone from the crowd shouted
And he replied " Yes a mistake made by me, most ill-fated.
I gave you a mind of your own to think, make decisions,
not a mind of villainy to cast aspersions or derisions.
I gave you all a conscience to see the right from wrong,
but your conscience has lost consciousness, it's been numbed too long.
I gave Freewill to all of humanity 
but didn't expect the world to turn into a combat zone, sadly.
Nonetheless, this world will see it's end  finally one day,
and for all the sins you've committed, you will have to pay.
There will be a day where I will pass judgement.
Till then my people enjoy my creations, live in merriment."
And saying this darkness turned to light,
the earth stood still, no God in sight.

He awoke from his deep sleep, his dream so surrealistic
he felt God had appeared, it did seem realistic
He threw away the rifle, picked up the crucifix, placed it close to his heart,
he promised, no more wrongdoings, he'd make a fresh start. 

Surprise Surprise

She tossed and she turned, she couldn't sleep.
she was soaked in sweat due to the summer heat.
The air-condition on her didn't have any effect,
 her husband snored loudly, whilst he slept.

Suddenly she heard noises from the rooms below,
She thought t'was the cat scratching the kitchen door.
But after a while the noises did continue
it surely didn't sound like the old cat's mew.

She was afraid to get up alone from the bed,
but she mustered courage and put on her night robe of coppery red.
She took the baseball bat which was kept at the bed side,
and slowly tip toed down the stairs, hawk eyed.

She thought she heard the stairs creak when she was down below,
but  she felt it was her weighty tiptoeing on the wooden floor.
She heard creaks again and turned around,
but this time she didn't hear any creaking sound.

She slowly walked towards the kitchen, the door was ajar.
She prayed " God please help me, you've brought me this far."
She turned around, looked left and right,
but it was too dark to see anything without the  kitchen light.

The clock struck twelve, she heard the pendulum strike 
she was startled as someone wrapped their arms around her tight.
The lights were turned on and she looked with bated breath
her husband was behind her, his arms wrapped around her yet.

Friends and family all filled up the kitchen
and they all shouted out " Surprise, Surprise" in unison.
She then realized it was the 13th of May,
fear had wiped her memory clean about her fortieth birthday.

On the kitchen table stood a delicious red velvet cheesecake 
From " Cheescake Factory" the husband got it specially baked.
There were forty candles placed around  all brightly lit,
and  " Welcome to the forties, honey!" neatly writ.

The Happy birthday song was melodiously sung,
whilst she blew out the forty candles atop the cake one by one.
She cut the cake and said to her husband with a smile lovingly,
 " Thanks for the surprise darling.
But you surely scared the living daylights out of me!"

When Death Came Knocking

At an unearthly hour at night, 
he heard a loud knock on the door,
standing there was a ravishing lady dressed in black,
from head to her black nailed toe.
She looked him in the eye and said "My darling,I hope you're ready.
It's high time we leave ."
His face turned ashen and ghastly white, 
shoulders slumped in his night shirt sleeves.

He cried and begged "Oh, please please do let me stay!
I'm not ready yet, surely not today."
I've just become a new father a month ago,
I'd love to be part of my daughter's life,
 watch her take her first step, watch her grow.
I'd love to see her graduate, 
earn her first pay.
Fall in love, get married, 
be a grandfather, one day.
I want to grow old with my beloved wife, 
my childhood sweetheart.
We'd promised we'd never desert one another,
till death do us apart.
Please dear lady, please spare me,
 I'm only thirty four,
there's lots for me to do in this world,
time I need some more."

The lady in black sat herself down, 
from her pocket she pulled out a black book
she had targets to achieve night and day, 
from Mother Earth's every nook.
She stood up and said " I guess today's your lucky night, my friend
today your spared,
your life will not end.
In your place, I'll take the old man from the next house,
He's a ripe old ninety four,
but I'll be back for you fifty years from now my friend, 
knocking on this very same door!"

An Obsession gone wrong

She was dressed in a short black dress, sipping beer at Ole Vics bar,
he was seated by himself at a table not too far.
He noticed she was  beautiful but there was distance in her eyes,
she was a rapturous beauty indeed, but a Devil in Disguise.
Yes.... she was a  devil in disguise,
it hadn't dawned on him that she was "the devil in disguise"
and when she looked back at him, he was completely mesmerized.
She walked up to his table and sat down by his side
she sat so close to him that his left hand brushed her thigh.
She bent towards him and whispered in his ear,
he paid the bill hurriedly and they swiftly disappeared.
He took her to his apartment just a few blocks away
and they made sweet, passionate love through the night and all next day.
She knew she had enraptured him, , she was his master, he her slave,
she knew she had him trapped, she was his queen, he her knave.
She had now become his passion, his muse, his obsession,
she was now his fetish, an infatuating fascination.
Aware of his feelings, she deprived him of her,
she was not with him for a commitment, only fornication and carefree pleasure.
And so she played with his feelings, psyched his heart and his mind
To the world she resembled an angel, but she was the most evil of her kind.
She seduced other men in his presence, tortured him in every single way,
till finally he realized he couldn't take it anymore, he decided to end it all one day.
He ran up to his room pulled out the gun from the drawer in his wardrobe
he pointed it to his head and shot himself just above his earlobe.
The gun fell from his hand, he fell flat on the ground
he felt life leaving him with a hard hitting sound.
She was at the bar waiting for him impatiently,
he was always there before her but this time he wasn't, surprisingly.
She walked to his apartment and pushed open the front door,
she shrieked in fright when she saw him lying in blood on the cold stone floor.
She knelt down, held him tight and picked up his blood soaked gun,
she could understand why he had done what he had done.
She checked the bullets and pointed the gun at her heart,
he had become her obsession too, from him, she couldn't live apart.

Immortal Love

Two  lovers under the moon's luminous light.
on a hot summer April night
were seated on the seashore enjoying the sand and sea breeze,
arm in arm, knee over knee.

She gazed at him, he was dazed by her,
they had spent a large part of their lives together.
They had withstood all the tests of time,
but their love for each other was most sublime.

To be together, they had fought both kith and kin
separation would have left them dead from within.
And so they eloped and started their journey all alone,
just the two of them and a crucifix of red stone.

They married at the small chapel near the sea,
and started a restaurant together steadily.
They both slogged at their restaurant at the beach night and day
but always thanked God for everything he sent their way

God to them had also been very kind and bountiful
they were blessed with a beautiful home and twin boys infallible.
Love ruled both home, hearth and restaurant
they were happy and content with limited want.

The children grew into mature adults and left home to study,
they got respectable jobs and in time they did marry.
The lovers became grandparents to two boys and three girls,
they were married 52 years, happy in their fulfilled world.

But sadly this togetherness on earth did not last forever,
she was taken away suddenly due to a pneumonic fever.
He was grief stricken, he couldn't believe she was no more
He prayed to God to make haste and take him to death's door.

A week later on April 10, he passed away in his sleep
She was no longer around to make his heart leap.
Both are buried together near the seaside cemetery 
they've turned to dust, but their love still lives immortally 
And so these lovers still meet under a luminous moonlit night,
in their shimmering garbs of silver and white.

An Ill-fated Gift

He came home early from work, thought he'd give her a surprise.
But instead, he was in for a bigger one,he shockingly realized.
She was asleep in bed with another man, wrapped in a red satin sheet.
Through the bedroom door, he surreptitiously peeked.

He turned red and quietly walked away furiously.
He cried " oh Lord, God why did she do this to me!!
I've been faithful and a loving husband from our wedding day.
I've been her provider, her lover, her friend in every possible way!"

He walked filled with wrath to the study down below,
Opened a drawer picked up the pistol of SIG Pro.    * ( Swiss manufacturer of pistols)
He ran upstairs to the bedroom and stood quietly in front of the bed,
pointed the pistol at his sleeping wife and her lover and shot them both in the head.

The satin red sheets were now wet, covered with blood.
The blood flowing from the heads of lover and wife had caused a crimson flood.
He dragged down the bodies and wrapped them in the red satin sheet,
but the sheet was not long enough to cover their four feet.

He dumped the bodies in the ready made hole in the garden late into the night.
He had planned to make a little pond with ducks and other pretty sights.
This hole has finally come of use, he thought to himself smartly
a perfect burial place for his wife and her lover, he smiled nefariously.

He went back into the house and cleaned it spic and span
he didn't leave a trace of his wife or that of the other man.
He fell asleep on the sofa, due to excitement and exhaustion
he slept like a baby, comfortable in his blood and mud stained tainted skin.

Next morning, he awoke, bathed and went off to work,
He worked until late, there was no one to nag now, it was an added perk.
When he got home, he was surprised to see the neighbour from next door with his  docile lad.
He remember gifting the  boy a pair of binoculars that he had got from his dad.
At the side, there were two police officers waiting for him patiently,
They took him by the arm, handcuffed him and said " you're under arrest" grimly.

He was shell shocked and stood helplessly surprised, 
how could they've known so soon he had killed the wife's lover and his wife.
There couldn't have been a witness, there wasn't anyone around.
He had been extremely vigilant, burying them without a sound.

But the little boy from his room had seen the man pull tirelessly the bundled red satin sheet,
what amazed the little fella' most was the jutting out of two pairs of  different feet.
Everything looked so big and so clear through his pair of binoculars,
but though he was only ten, he knew it didn't seem right, nor blithe nor jocular.

He stared at the boy and the boy looked at him in dejection.
He said " I am sorry Mr. Harris I had to tell my dad, I couldn't keep it in."
"I never ever thought your gift would catch you at your own game.
I guess you should've given me a car instead." Mr. Harris hung his head in shame.

Unwanted

She walked down the cobblestone street
on a cold, winter's night
not a solitary soul to be seen 
not a stray animal in sight.

She left the baby near a garbage bin 
in a basket all covered in hay
she looked around to her left and right
and slyly walked away.

She desperately wanted this baby
but it was not hers to keep
it was born out of sin, out of wedlock
To face the pressures of society,
she was too powerless, too weak.

She wept uncontrollably,
big tears rolled down her distraught face.
She knew in her heart of hearts
to womanhood, to motherhood
she was a thorough disgrace.

She knew what it felt to be unwanted
she had experienced it nine months ago.
He had used her, abused her, loved her,
but treated her like an unpaid whore.

She turned to look at her baby
all wrapped in a basket in hay.
She ran and took her in her arms,
and said " you'll never feel unwanted,my darling daughter
it's a mother's promise, come what may!"

The Absurdities of The English Language

English is a funny language and exceptionally absurd,
It has its own absurdities,
when it comes to the written and  spoken word.

So the English alphabet consists of five vowels,
that's A, E, I, O, U
But it's also proved that "H" and "Y" are consonants 
and it seems vowels too.

So you use "An" before a word starting with a vowel,
but not always you see.
Cause' you put an "A" before " Unicorn" or "Useless"
and " An" before " Hour" or " Umbrella"
that's what completely baffles me!

But besides these baffling vowels,
some words are pronounced illogically 
where pronunciation of " S" and " F" take precedence,
though " Psychiatrist", " Psychology"  and " Physics",
start with a capital "P"!

The English language is expanding,
new words are added to dictionaries every year.
There's new additions " Gassed" slang for drunk,
and the notoriously famous " Sexting" and " F-Bomb"
added to Mirriam Webster.

But frankly I feel, with words like these,
The Queen's English is going down the drain.
I'm sure the literary greats must be turning in their graves,
poor Shakespeare, Dickens, Oscar Wilde and Mark Twain.